I love you. You're weird as hell, but I love you...or trying to, at least.
All of those fears you have? They'll be gone someday.
You won't obsess about if you're "good enough." You won't worry about if your direct deposit will be sufficient to cover all of your monthly bills. You won't give a shit if people don't like you. You won't look in the mirror and think you're not pretty like so and so. You won't have a car that makes you pray you make it to your destination without any mechanical surprises, because it's practically vintage...
You're not going to care about your parents not liking you as much your siblings, because you're not visiting home as often. It's not your fault you were born a free spirit; with fire and eclecticism in your soul. It's not your fault that you want to give your taste buds new flavors to try, your eyes different places to assimilate, your limbic system new landscapes to imprint...
According to your parents and the traditional world, you're supposed to find a great-paying job ("because you have a degree"), stack your money, find a man, get married, settle down, have kids, and be content. The end.
Honestly, I can say some deep shit like, "I'm an independent woman, I don't need a man, I'm alive to 'inspire,' I want to make a difference, blah blah blah," however, it's not that intense for me. I simply find that particular [traditional and conservative] lifestyle...not my cup of tea. And that's okay.
Don't get me wrong, I want to still do my part in the world, and have a symbiotic life, but I've never been one to settle.
"But you're settling with that low-paying job you have even though you have a degree!" Eh, I beg to differ. First, there's thing called inflation, therefore the cost of living has dramatically increased in all areas. I may not be earning techie money, but I'm making a difference in women's lives. I'm living my passion—helping women live out their choice. They come in to our office with a problem, and they leave with it solved. How magical is that?
You think I don't want better for my life? I have goals. A WHOLE LOT; I may not even accomplish each of them in this lifetime. The thing is—I am the author of my story. I decide how I go through this journey. It may not be easy because I'll probably fuck up here and there since I'm stubborn as a mule, but I'll take it as either the rising or falling action in the dramatic arc of my story.
You want me to dedicate my life to earning money, and indeed, it's necessary to survive in this capitalistic society, however, I could never just be a money-making robot. I devote this journey of mine to waking up to a beautiful sky, breathing in amazing morning dew, sipping on exquisite coffee, absorbing eclectic colors in my flowers that cause the biochemicals in my system to elevate, to helping those in need since the world won't do it, to being me...
Familia: I understand you want the best for me, but who's to say what's best for me other than myself? After all, I'm the one who knows me best, right? I live each day making myself happy how I can.
I am magical, and I know it. I have faith that each day will bring its joy and beauty into my life, and even if it doesn't—I will still be okay.
Keep doing your best.
"Escaping from the garden, a curious butterfly, enters the jungle, never to return." -jive